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Come In
First, I would like to thank every person who has had any responsibility
for or part in providing me with the
opportunity to offer a little peace and sanity into a time and experience
that is often disturbing and unsettling in many of our lives.
Once upon a time, when I was a
married man, my wife and I bought a wall-hanging at a local crafts fair.
It had a distinctly Japanese flavor and read: Catch a man a fish, feed him
for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime. My
intention in writing this column is to answer questions and address issues
posed to me by using my experience to catch a few fish for specific
individuals while, hopefully, teaching other people how to improve their
fishing.
How did I get to the name of
today’s column, Come In, as a name for a column looking at issues of
coming out? The answer to that question involves an image from the
Bible. I’m not interested in religion, nor do I care much about
religion. If you ever think that I’m talking about religion,
please let me know, because I’m not. I don’t want anyone to
believe something that he or she didn’t believe prior to reading my
thoughts. I don’t want anyone not to believe something that he or
she believed before reading my words. I am most interested, however,
in addressing a wholly universal and yet unique experience within each one
of us.
Abraham is tooling along when
he hears a voice that directs him to leave all that he has know as his
home, and follow that instruction to a new way of life. This section
of the story is often entitled “Come Out,” as in come out of your
current life. The kabbalists, the more spiritually oriented Bible
scholars, teach that the words translate more closely as, leave to
yourself, or journey inward to yourself.
Ultimately, most issues of
coming out lead to and end with the question, Who do you say that you are?
The fears and concerns that appear to be focused on parents, siblings,
friends, teachers, partners, religious and governmental leaders, as well
as economic opportunities, distill down to an inner journey to face
one’s own demons. These are the personal dragons that would stop
an individual from the full expression of a life lived out in fullness and
glory. They are the school yard bullies who, once confronted, vanish
to reveal the gifts of strength and talent that have been previously
hidden.
I say that you’re a human
being with wonderful characteristics who is also a pain in someone
else’s ass at times. I say that you’re capable of showing the
rest of us how to be better people. I say that we are all in need of
growth and improving ourselves.
OK. That’s the
background for this column. I recognize that at times my words may
get a bit fancy. So send me your questions or issues about coming
out or just living as a gay person in this crazy world, and let’s get
practical together. By regular mail, address your envelopes to Ask
Doc Quixote , 1717 North Andrews Avenue, Fort Lauderdale, Florida, 33311,
or email them to AskDocQuixote@glccsf.org.
I will respond via a link
from the Center’s web site--Ask Doc Quixote. For now we’re
starting with a weekly contribution, and will look to increase the
frequency should it prove needed and helpful.
However much that I tried to have a catchy phrase to
end the public speaking and teaching that I did in my career as a
psychiatrist, I found myself always ending with this absolutely corny
statement. But I still seem capable of no other: Thank you for
letting me do my thing.
Learn about:
Find
out more:
COMING
OUT AS BI
COMING
OUT AS TRANS
More
Information:
Profiles:
Books:
This has reviews and information on some of the books that I've read which
cover issues such as being non-heterosexual, coming out, telling your
parents, and so on. Some are fictional, others non-fictional. All however
are good reads.
Movies:
This has reviews and links to IMDB information about some of the better
gay movies that are out there. It's been a long time coming, but there are
some really good quality gay movies available that you should look into.
Gay
and Lesbian TV Characters: I still feel that there are not enough
non-heterosexual characters on TV ... in a society where so much is
learned from the TV, it's important to have role models on the TV. This
page highlights some characters on TV and shows that the screens aren't
totally devoid of them.
Planet
Out: A resource page that contains daily news updates on relevant gay
and lesbian information from around the globe. Always a worthwhile read.
GLAAD:
Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. An honorable cause, if there
ever was one. This site strives to provide information on the fight for
equal rights and to not be defamed for who we are.
Homosexuality:
Common Questions and Statements Addressed: I've got to say that this
is one of the most comrehensive sites around on the web and certainly
worthy of a lot of attention. Sit down with an hour or two to spare and go
through this page properly.
The
Other Queer Page: Another comprehensive set of links on all spheres of
gay life. You can find links to just about any information you want on
coming out or coming to terms with yourself from this page, and plenty of
links to the personal home pages of gays, lesbians and bisexuals around
the world ... certainly enough to prove to you that you aren't alone.
Pinkboard
Australia: This grew out of a BBS and has rapidly become one of the
most popular GLBT sites in the country. In addition to hosting community
information, Pinkboard also hosts a very popular personals section.
Coming
Out To Your Parents: This is a brochure format web-page that you
should definately read before coming out to your parents. I wish I'd known
about it when I first came out to my parents!
PFLAG's
Publications on Homosexuality and Coming Out: PFLAG stands for
"Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays", and this is a truly
great site to visit for information on coming out or if someone has
recently come out to you.
Gabi
Clayton's Homepage: Gabi is the mother of a young man called Bill, who
after coming to terms with his bisexuality, was subjected to severe hate
crimes in the community and as a result of these, tragically committed
suicide. Gabi's site which commemorates Bill's life is, while terribly
sad, uplifting also.
London-Boy's
Diary: The story of a young man in London coming out to himself and
others, and the life that he is leading. A truly wonderful site.
OutProud has a great brochure called: Read This Before Coming Out to
Your Parents at: http://www.outproud.org/brochure_coming_out.html
Also, you might want to talk to other teens at:
http://www.youth-guard.org/projects/
- What
does it mean to come out?
- Create
a personal inventory when coming out.
- Know
that you are not alone.
- Deal
with stereotypes, discrimination and hate against gays.
- Tell
family and friends you're gay when you're ready.
- Don't
give up on marriage or children.
- Learn
about gay love, relationships and sex.
- Don't
be afraid to ask for help.
Related Articles
Coming
Out Step-by-Step
Coming
Out Frequently Asked Questions
The
Coming Out Process
Coming
Out & Coping Tips for Gay and Bisexual Men
Coming
Out of the Closet
- Coming
Out and Staying Out - A guide to coming out for gay and bisexual
men.
- Coming
Out Can Reduce Sexual Prejudice - A national survey study finds
that heterosexuals who personally know a gay man or lesbian have more
favorable attitudes toward gay people in general than do heterosexuals
without such contact.
- Coming
Out to Your Parents - What to expect, and questions to ask
yourself when telling your parents that you are gay, lesbian or bi
- Cool
Page for Queer Teens - Useful information for GLBT teens about
coming out, problems in school and at home, religion. Several links
and expert consultations.
- The
Fine Art Of Being Come Out To : A Straight Person's Guide To Gay
Etiquette - Guide to the casual, advanced and beyond coming out.
- For
Parents of Gay Children - Information guide for parents trying to
understand their gay children. Initial shock, questions and answers,
concerns and personal stories.
- Gay
Life - Advice on being homosexual and meeting others.
- GayHealth:
Coming Out - A collection of articles on issues relating to coming
out published on GayHealth.com
- GayHealth:
Coming Out - News and articles on coming out operated by lesbian
and gay medical professionals.
- GLBTQ
Education: Identity Formation and Coming Out - Identity formation
and coming out process in gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer,
and questioning people is not well understood. Internet resources,
reports, papers, books, abstracts, and bibliography.
- How
Do You Know? - An article by Janis Cortese about coming out and
how does one know one is gay, lesbian, or bisexual.
- How
to be a Happy Lesbian - Resources and links for lesbian women, and
PDF download of part of the book, "How to be a Happy Lesbian: A
coming out guide" (requires email address and name).
- Human
Rights Campaign - National Coming Out Project - A public education
and outreach program of the Human Rights Campaign Foundation promoting
values of honesty and openness about being lesbian, gay, bisexual or
transgender on campus, in the workplace and at home.
- Ken
& Jim's Place - Help for gay Christians coming out.
- Lesbian
for dummies - A sex guide that offers information and
encouragement to all women who desire women whether you are lesbian,
bisexual, butch, femme, androgynous, or transgender.
- My
Child is Gay. - My child is gay. Now what do I do? Answers the
questions most parents when learning their child is gay. Helping out
in the community and resources.
- National
Coming Out Project - Resources and event information for the
Dallas/Ft. Worth Texas area.
- Outpath
Coming Out Archives - Search through the stories of many people
who have come out.
- Parent/Child
Health Information - Coming Out - A health-based site with facts
and suggestions for young people thinking about coming-out and their
parents.
- ReachOut!
- Sexuality and coming out - Fact sheets and referral for youth
who believe they may be gay, lesbian or bisexual and things to
consider when coming out.
- Stages
of Coming Out - Article on stages of coming out.
- Support
for Parents and Gay Kids During the Never-ending Coming-Out Process
- Personal stories and advice from moms and teens. Also includes
links.
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